Saturday, September 17, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggin's (belated) Funny Ass Friday

My apologies too anyone who may have been looking forward to a new joke. I went to the Down cocert last night and got in quite late. This old man can still get in the "pit" and deliver some punishment. But my back is SCREAMIN' today..................

An old Chinese couple is making love. The man looks at his wife and says, "You wanna 69 baby?" The wife says, "You want beef and broccoli NOW?"


  1. A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

    He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?" She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

    He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

    Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

    The farmer said, "Yes," and a tear came from the other eye.

    Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

    He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

    She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

    Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, I voted for Obama and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches...

  2. Johnny O and H-Nox,

    Very good - how about this one?

    A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

    He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

    He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

    The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

    As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

    He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

    He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

    The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

    The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?"

  3. This fellow from Chicago was tired of that dirty old city, so he moved to southern Illinois and decided to raise pigs. He went to a neighboring farm and bought a sow. He asked his neighbor how he would get piglets, and the farmer charged him $50 to have his boar service the sow.

    The next morning there were no piglets, so the city fellow loaded the sow up in his wheelbarrow and pushed her over to the neighbor's. He paid another $50 and wheeled the sow back home.

    The next morning, no piglets. Unwilling to admit defeat, the Chicagoan loaded the sow back up and repeated the process. He did this every day for two weeks. One Sunday morning, tired and frustrated, he slept in. His wife came in and woke him up, and told him there was good news.

    He sat up and said, "We finally have piglets?"

    His wife said, "No. But the sow is waiting in the wheelbarrow."

  4. Here's a good one too that I know you all will like:

    What do you get when a room contains Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney and John Huntsman?

  5. J.O.B.,

    Liberals (Democrats, Socialists, Progressives, whatever) don't have a sense of humor. Barack Hussein Obama is the proof. If you see that gawky, ignorant bastard and don't laugh - you can only be a left-wing ideologue.