Friday, December 2, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'Add to the picture'.

The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.

The teacher called on James to start things off.

James returned to his seat.

The teacher called on Ernie next.

Ernie returned to his seat.

Now it was Suzy's turn.

Suzy returned to her seat.

Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.

Jerry returned to his seat.

Kim was called to the board.

Kim returned to her seat.

About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off centre, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.

The entire class erupted with laughter... the teacher fainted


  1. A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

    A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse" he mumbles, from behind the mask "Are my
    testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body".

    He struggles to ask again,"nurse, are my
    testicles black?"

    Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
    around and around gently. Then, she takes a close look and says, "No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
    says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was
    wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....
    " A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?"

  2. Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

    So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

    The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

  3. A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

    Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.

    Nun: I think that would be okay.

    They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.

    Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)
    Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

    Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later...

    Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we act as man and wife just for this one night.

    Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

  4. A Shaman, Rabbi, and Priest are at a religious convention. They are sitting around at a table discussing all the world problems.

    The Shaman says, "I think the upbringing of the children is the biggest problem, and should be dealt with first."

    The Rabbi says, "Fuck the children."

    The Priest says, "Do we have time?"