Friday, December 16, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

8 comments:

  1. Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

    Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    MAN: 'Hello'

    WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

    MAN: 'Yes'

    WOMAN: 'I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

    MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'

    WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2012 Models. I saw one I really liked.'

    MAN: 'How much?'

    WOMAN: '$98,000'

    MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.'

    WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000.'

    MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.'

    WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!
    You are so generous!'

    MAN:“You are worth it. 'Bye!'

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths agape.

    The man turns and asks: "Anybody know whose phone this is?"

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  2. One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

    Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

    He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

    "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

    "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

    "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

    Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

    The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

    "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

    They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

    Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

    The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

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  3. A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

    The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

    The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

    To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb To temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

    The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

    The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith and had sex."

    The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,

    "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

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  4. Amigo,
    That one made me laugh out loud.

    Thanks.

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  5. The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
    Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"
    So the Pope slapped her.

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  6. Lol. Thanks for sharing this post. Check out a gay version of the "Shit Girls Say" video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWzJ88G5neI&feature=colike

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  7. Sandy- Welcome. Thanks for the link, and thanks for the visit.

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  8. Sandy- Checked it out, and thought it was hilarious............:)

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