Friday, December 23, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday.....................

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

8 comments:

  1. This truck driver was really tired, and pulled into a diner, and just ordered a cup of coffee. While sitting at the counter, a group of bikers pulled in, started acting rowdy, spilled his coffee, made fun of him, and tried to pick a fight with him. He just got up, paid for his coffee ,and walked out and drove off. One of the other customers said to the waitress: "My, that truck driver wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress said: "No. and he's not much of a driver either, he just ran over six motorcycles"

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  2. DEAR ABBY:
    ‘I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?’
    Sam in California .


    DEAR SAM:
    ‘Register as a Republican, and run for public office.’

    Abby

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business,
    waiting on it to turn green.

    A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.

    The light changed, the Muslims praised Allah, shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me.

    Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding
    thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely, killing everyone in the car.

    For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man... that could have been me!"

    So today; bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
    A. Wait 10 seconds.

    Q. What do you call a redhead with an attitude?
    A. Normal.

    Q. What do redheads make for dinner?
    A. Reservations.

    Q. How can you tell when a redhead has been using a finicky computer?
    A. There's a hammer embedded in the computer monitor.

    Q. Why aren't there more redhead jokes?
    A. Someone made the mistake of telling them to a redhead.

    Q. What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
    A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

    Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
    A. Say something...

    Q. What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha?
    A. The piranha. They only attack in schools.

    Q. Why do redheads really like their hair color?
    A. It does the same thing for the men it does for the bulls.

    Q. Why didn't Indians scalp redheads?
    A. They knew better.

    Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    A. A redhead.

    Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
    A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.

    Q. How many redheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. One -- she holds the bulb while the world revolves around her.

    Q. What's the difference between a redhead and a barracuda?
    A. Nail polish.

    Q. What's the difference between a redhead and a pit bull?
    A. The pantsuit.

    Q. What's black-and-blue and lies on the sidewalk?
    A. A guy who tells too many redheaded jokes.

    Q. Why is it better to date a blonde than a redhead?
    A. You can ignore a blonde safely.

    Q. How do you remember a redhead's birthday?
    A. Forget it once.

    Q. How is a redhead like a tennis racquet?
    A. They're both high-strung.

    Q. What do redheads and razor-wire have in common?
    A. Handle both with care.

    Pray for me - I married one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And she fits the stereotype. Hope she doesn't read Johnny's blog.

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  6. LOLOLOLOLOL.............

    CS- TGP is right, you better hope she doesn't find this. I dated a red-head in High School, that didn't fit any of those stereotypes. Then, I found out she wasn't a 'natural' red-head.

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  7. Johnny,

    My lovely wife considers the Internet to be a vast shopping catalog. Her interest in blogging is nonexistent.

    I should be safe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOLOLOLOLOLOL...................

    Safe as far as your blogging. Just keep an eye on that debit card. :)

    ReplyDelete