Friday, December 30, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday..................

"What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations"

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".


  1. Hello J.O.B.
    OH! "Critical Thinking and Logical Argumentation English 101."

    “If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed."

    A Generalized Statement and all I have to do is present you ONE person with Liberal Viewpoints who not only does not want guns banned but maybe even own one, or 4, or 12 and your argument is negated making your statement untrue. (I would Win)

    Now you could say that many of a liberal mind set profess the banning of guns, this would be a good statement if you followed up with supporting examples and facts.

    Of course the inverse would be true that if I found just one conservative viewpoint who wanted to ban guns, be it just in their crime ridden town or area, or maybe even nation wide, this too would negate your statement making it incorrect.

    “If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.”

    No one was more liberal than F.D.R. and after the attack on Pearl Harbor worked proactively with Allied Countries to defeat not only Japan who attacked us, but Germany, Italy, and any other Axis Countrys. I have just given you a perfect example showing that your statement is incorrect thus negating your whole posting consenescence. I WIN!!

    “A liberal will delete it because he's "offended.”

    Again I would give the example of a liberal forwarding this to their friend to expose the “Generalized Statements” and the incorrect thought process of SOME conservatives. (Noticed I did not say ALL conservatives)

    This is fun let’s do some more. (Yes J.O.B. I am having fun with you my friend)...But I still WON! :-)

  2. EOK- You won? I beg to differ. You actually took time out of your hectic day to post a comment debating the validity of my Post. A post that is , a Joke. HA HA, I win...NANNER-NANNER... :)

    Since you are new here, I will let you know, that I post a new joke every Friday.

  3. White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of women's panties on his arm. Somewhat used to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks. The day wore on; several VIP's were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state. Each one left with a puzzled expression on their face but no one dared ask about the President's personal business.

    Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary walked into the office between appointments and gently closed the door behind her. "Mr. President," she said, "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a pair of women's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."

    "Oh no," the President grinned. "It's The Patch. I'm trying to quit."

  4. A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two people show up.

    One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

    The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

    The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip, and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.

    The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

    The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

    The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

    The tough old golfer replies, "No problem. Just get that lion out of there."

  5. One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

    Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

    He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

    "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

    "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

    "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

    Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

    The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

    "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

    They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

    Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

    The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

  6. JOB- the problem with your so-called JOKE is that many of those who dwell on the right-side of the political spectrum BELIEVE exactly what you wrote. Or, didn't you know that?

    That's why EOK blew it apart. He and I and many others not living on the right-edge have heard each of those statements said as gospel truth by right-wingers.

    Apparently you aren't so far to the right to know this.

    That's refreshing.

  7. Hello J.O.B.
    "A post that is , a Joke. HA HA, I win...NANNER-NANNER... :)"

    Damn you got me!!:-) Now just color me silly.


    EOK- I am so glad you started coming over here. You are funny, and intelligent. Good combo.

    CS & H/Nox- good stuff as always.

  9. Muddy- Come on brother, we went over this when I posted the "Obama birth certificate"

    TGP, CS, H/Nox, or anyone else that I blog with, or know, would take it any way other than a joke.

    I think the same applies here. EOK was right. I personally know quite a few Liberals that enjoy guns, and I'm sure their's quite a few Conservatives that would delete this message.

    But I dare you to find a Conservative that supports PETA. :)

    Now, enough is enough. In regards to these posts, shit, or get off the pot. You must have heard a funny joke at some point in your life.

  10. Bush calls Cheney because he is so proud of having finished a jigsaw puzzle.

    "Hey, Dick", says Bush, "I am so proud because the box this puzzle came in says 5 to 8 years on the side and I finished it in just under 6 months."

    Cheney sighs and says, "You are indeed a genius, George."

    Bush says, "Hey, Dick, I'm having trouble with my new puzzle, though, can you help me?"

    Cheney says, "Sure, George, what's your problem."

    Bush says, "Well, none of the pieces fit together in any way. I didn't have this problem with the other puzzle."

    Cheney says, "Well, look on the cover of the puzzle box and tell me what kind of picture you see - that should give you a hint."

    Bush says, "All I see is a picture of a really big rooster."

    Cheney thinks for a minute and says "George, put all the cornflakes back in the box ..."

  11. MUD- BTW: TGP, CS, H/Nox, or anyone else that I blog with, or know, would take it any way other than a joke.

    I meant, would not take it any other way, other than a joke.

    I really need to start proof reading my shit. ;)

  12. Gentlemen (and EOK and Mud_PILE),

    A joke is made funny when there is an element of truth to it. This is probably covered in Psych 101. This isn't brain surgery boys and girls.

    We on the Right laugh at you on the Left constantly. If you don't like it - pull your heads out of your collective butts. It's really that simple.

    Right-Wing Gun control advocate would be the ultimate oxymoron.

    The vegetarian joke works because liberals (democrats, socialists, progressives, whatever) are all about control while conservatives are all about freedom. Plus your liberal buddies Adolf Hitler and Pol Pot were vegetarians - it fits - it's funny - enjoy it!

    Just because Johnny is generally more patient with your foolishness than some of us doesn't mean you can whine about looking stupid when you . . . . well . . . . look stupid.

    Try manning up in the New Year.

  13. Johnny,
    As is often the case, liberals have no sense of humor.

    It sucks to be them.

  14. A joke is made funny when there is an element of truth to it.

    See, I told you so!

  15. Hardnox writes: liberals have no sense of humor.

    It sucks to be them.

    Another one of your skewed ideas from the alternate universe in which you dwell.

    Say, Hardnox, I'd like to see a list of 10 or more of your skewed ideas about liberals- the list that you actually believe in and repeat nauseously to your posse of right-wingers.

    Go ahead because I need a good laugh today.

  16. Michelle Obama was on her way somewhere when she came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy "What kind of puppies are they?" The boy replies, "They're Democrat puppies, Ma'am." With this she smiles and walks off.

    The following week she was with some friends and spotted the same little boy with the puppies. Eager to impress her liberal friends, she approaches the boy again and asks him to tell her friends what kind of puppies they are.

    The boy replies, "They're Republican puppies."

    "Republican puppies?" she asked. "Last week you told me they were Democrat puppies."

    The boy replied, "I know, Ma'am. But that was before they opened their eyes."

  17. mud,
    What happened to your self-imposed boycott on us?


    Got tired of talking to yourself?

  18. Hardnox,
    he wasn't talking to only counts as being crazy when you do it under the SAME profile twice, those moonbats over at his site use multiple profiles to agree with themselves!

  19. in the alternate universe

  20. Mud_PILE,

    Studies have been consistent for decades now that your point of view is consistent with about 20% of the population while our points of view are consistent with about 40% of the population. Indeed your point of view would be extreme within the 20% that is considered extreme.

    Who lives in an alternate universe?

    Oh - and why do you fear Jesus so much?

  21. A married couple goes to a marriage counselor to work out some problems.

    The counselor sits them down and says "Let's start by talking about what you both have in common."

    The husband says "Well for starters, neither one of us suck dick."

  22. There are some who feel it is inappropriate to make fun of the holy institution of marriage.
    Then there are others who know it's the only way we can live with it.


    Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.


    Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

  23. CS- Are you getting philisophical on me now?

    Did my joke offend you?

  24. I'm just a little confused. Is it supposed to be a continuation joke?

  25. Johnny,
    EOK accidentally fucked it up, then mud PILE jumped on it like a buzzard on a road kill.

  26. H/Nox- You are dead on. I think EOK's mistake is more than forgivable, because he is new here. I'm sure you'll find that he'll fit in just fine. Mud just seems to do that. I'm trying to convince him to post ideas and explanations, but who knows what will happen.

  27. Johnny,

    No sir - I was just following your lead after your marriage counseling joke. After being married for over 33 years, I have a love/hate relationship with the institution.

    As for your new buddies. EOK can be reasoned with to a degree, though he takes himself a tad too seriously. Mud_PILE is impossible. No reason, no facts, just insults, misdirection, and drivel. He is the leading advocate of a completely bankrupt ideology. As you can see in his world everyone is an idiot except him. When you have that kind of mental problem, you're not likely to be much fun to hang around with.

    Mud_PILE really isn't much of a challenge from an intellectual point of view.

  28. CS- O.K. Got it, a continuation joke. Thank God. You are the last one I want to offend. I was confused at first, but after reading it again, I thought it may be a continuation. You know what they say.............

    How do you get J.O.B. to laugh today. Tell him a joke yesterday....LOLOLOLOLOLOLO

    As for EOK, I think he'll be a great addition. I've always liked him. He seems more acceptable of other peoples' opinions, than some others who post on Mud's blog. There's another commentor named Up the Flag, that I like.

    As far as Mud goes, I'm trying my best to change his ways. It may be for not, but I'm tryin'.

  29. Question: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?

    Answer: He's the one with the clean bowling shirt.

    Three POWs, an American, a German, and a Pole, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole.

    He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad.

    He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes.

    Next up is the Pole. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

    How did the liberal break his neck while drinking water?

    The toilet seat fell down on him.

  30. Hey man, I got a piece for you:
    A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

    ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

    At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

    ”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

    The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

    ”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

    The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

    The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

    The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

    Semper Fi.
    p.s. close the borders

    So, like I wouldn't delete your post, but I wrote this joke and I'm a frikin progressive? what do we make of this? I DUNNO, because, I'm not just a frikin progressive liberal, I'm a goddam anarchist surrealist mofo and
    reality will always trump fantasy...happy noo year, bro....

  31. Microdot- I'm falling over laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. LoL!!! Hows your neck healing muddy?

  33. My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going."

    I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going – 'cus when you're coming, you look like a Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"

  34. Johnny,

    Too funny. Not PC, but funny aas hell.

  35. PC jokes are for wussies who are afraid to tell jokes and, liberals who don't understand what funny is.