Monday, December 19, 2011

Johnny O'Bloggins Funny Ass Friday.........(Redo)

Sorry everyone. I failed to realize that the joke I posted Friday, was posted a month ago. I will do my best to make sure this doesn't happen again.


A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."

16 comments:

  1. The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

    Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan .. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

    KABOOM!

    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

    KA-BLOOEY!

    Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

    BULLS-EYE!

    "I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won one of the greatest sporting events in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

    "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"

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  2. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, very good H'Nox.

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  3. Bill Clinton got off Marine 1 with an Arkansas Razorback under each arm. He turned to the Marine Corporal saluting him and said, "I would return your salute, Corporal, but as you can see, my hands are full."

    The Marine replied "yes, sir."

    Clinton looked at the pig under his right arm and said, "I got this one for Hillary." And looking at the one under his left arm, he said, "I got this one for Chelsea."

    The corporal said "Good trade, sir."

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  4. Johnny,
    Good pic. Love the princess!!!

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  5. Johnny,

    You are a lucky man - gorgeous daughter!

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  6. Thanks H/Nox, I love her too.

    I guess that goes without saying:)

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  7. CS- Thanks brother. I remember the pic you use to have. You're quite a handsome ol' timer, LOLOLOLOLOL, in a not-gay way of course

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  8. Johnny,

    How'd you get The Rock to hold your baby?

    Are you trying to look like him, or did he steal that look from you?

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  9. TGP- Even though I had to get away from football after my Junior year. I stuck with weightlifting. It's almost like a hobby. I was actually a competitive Powerlifter up until the age of 19. I love that sport. Unfortunately, you need to do steroids to be competitve at the professional level. So, I never stood a chance.

    Check out the AAU website. I used to hold the Illinois Squat record, along with the Series record for 17-19 age range at 242 LBS.

    Now, I supplement my lifting with eating and drinking.

    BTW- I had the shaved head before it was "COOL"

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  10. Johnny,

    Oddly enough, I was a power lifter in high school, but I was in the 165 weight class.

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  11. TGP- Very good. How serious did you take it? I only ask, because I would love to have a chat about the sport.

    Do you know the name Ed Coan?

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  12. Johnny,

    I didn't, but I googled him. Pretty amazing. At a power lift meet in Va. Beach in 1987, I met a Marine Gunny who was there as a coach. Us little guys lifted in the morning, then the big boys lifted in the afternoon, with us spotting for them. Bad idea, but no one got hurt.

    The last deadlift attempt was 1020; the guy couldn't get it off the ground. After the attempt, this Marine Gunny walked over and picked it up, straight-legged. With no belt, no warm ups. Then he turned around and said "Where do you want this?" I was stunned. He told me he had never attempted a deadlift he didn't hit, and said he could set the record so high no one could touch it, but felt that would ruin competition. That's a great guy.

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  13. So Jeff goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty rifle.

    After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

    A moment later the bear taps Jeff on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll have my way with you."

    Jeff figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

    After the bear leaves, Jeff pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

    He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

    Afterward, Jeff pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself the largest rifle made.

    He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

    When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"

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  14. CS- LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. That's great, poor Jeff. The BUTT of a joke.

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  15. Johnny,

    It's so Jeff - always off target as well.

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