A study of love, hate, pain, and joy.
Johnny,I sent you an email, it won't let me post a picture in comments.
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At about 3AM, Pete was drunk as a skunk. He came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, Pete cuckooed nine more times, hoping his wife would think it was midnight. He was very proud of myself.The next day, Pete's wife asked what time he got home, and he replied, "Midnight, just like I said."She said that was good, and for some reason she said they needed a new cuckoo clock. When Pete asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'Shit!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling."
Mud- Photoshop is great, but don't give me too much credit. I just got the picture off of a political humor website. Dottie is the one who seems rather talented at photoshop. He does some pretty cool shit.You do win something. You win the "First deleted comment of 2012 Award". Congratulations, and please remember, any comments on these posts must be humorous in nature.
CS- Very good, LOLOLOLOLOL
TGP- I tried posting the picture, but it kept getting erased.
How about a link then:http://obamacartoon.blogspot.com/2012/01/gm-volt-expensive-lemon.html#links
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!" The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
Two guys, one old, one young are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.The young guy says, 'That's OK; it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too ...' I can't find her, and I'm getting a little desperate.'The old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'The young guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom, wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.What does your wife look like?'To which the old guy says, 'Doesn't matter; -- let's look for yours.'
Johnny,The best joke today was when you deleted mud_PILE's post for not being funny.LMAO!!!!!!!!Kudos!
Hello Hardnox,Loved your Irish Joke.
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some f**kin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f**kin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f**kin’ French toast."
A Police STOP at 2 AM An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
Mud- That's no problem. I had one simple request. To keep all comments on these posts humorous in nature. I will accept comments like EOK's, where they comment on someone's joke. But you are not allowed to just come on these posts, and leave comments, that are not funny. Just to criticize a post? It's a joke, everyone knows it's a joke. If you don't want to visit anymore, that's fine. If you want to moderate me from your blog, that's cool too. Have a safe and prosperous New Year.
What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off of walls?Rick O' Shea!
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Johnny: Knock KnockMud_PILE: Who's There?Johnny: BooMud_PILE: Boo Who?Johnny: Stop crying it's just a joke!
That one is definitely on Mud's level. Too bad he's never coming back to see it. Hahahahahaha.
The douche will get lonely in his own echo chamber and come right back hurling rocks as usual. I give him a week tops. Two, if we are lucky.
Guys- Don't make me start deleting more comments. Jokes only please.
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin.When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: * A Litre of 2% milk, * A carton of eggs, * A Litre of orange juice, * A head of lettuce, * A can of coffee, * And one pack of bacon.As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly. "
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.A cop pulls him over."So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?""Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk."Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.""I did all right," the drunk says with a smile."Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?""Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk."For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."