Saturday, March 10, 2012

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday..............



Why Grandpa should never be allowed to babysit.

5 comments:

  1. ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is classic!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.

    Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden...POOF!

    In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

    She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life...

    Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life....

    As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!"

    Then POOF!.... She was gone!

    After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"

    Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

    Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred! What ever your do, DON'T SWING!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

    The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

    The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything
    inside them is color-coded.'

    The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best;
    everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'


    The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers.
    Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the
    end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'

    ReplyDelete
  4. Men Teaching Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By March 31, 2012

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

    Class 1
    Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

    Class 2
    Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Drive Past a Shopping Mall Without Stopping?
    Group Debate.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase
    Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    Curling Irons
    Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
    At 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum ..
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!
    Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10
    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live
    How to Apply Brakes
    Without Throwing Passengers
    Through the Windshield.
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to Shop by Yourself.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.

    When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.

    His co-worker said to reconsider and that Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, close to Canada, good public transportation, etc.

    Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."

    The first asked, "What did you do there?"

    To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."

    ReplyDelete