Friday, August 24, 2012

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday...........

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Johnny O'Bloggin's Musical Monday......(Early Edition)

A fellow blogger named Squatlo has done a few posts on musicians, and their on-stage tirades against Obama. I commented on one post, that I would be irate if I paid to see a concert and got some political lecture.
This post is dedicated to Sqautlo.
Anyone who has followed this blog for awhile, knows that one of my favorite bands is Machine Head. The singer/songwriter, Rob Flynn has his political views, as we all do. He does not like our involvement in the Middle East, and he does not like our dependency on Foreign oil. But if you were to see Machine Head in concert, you would never hear Mr. Flynn go off on a political tirade. You would probably hear a story about hanging out with Darrell 'Dimebag' Abbott after a concert, or the different places they have toured. I've never heard him utter a word about Bush's war on terror, or Obama's energy policy. That's where his songwriting comes into play. Flynn knows what his fans want. Seems like Hank Williams Jr., Megadeth, and the Dixie Chicks can learn a lesson.
This song is entitled "Farewell to Arms". It is off of "The Blackening" Even if you don't like what the song means, it is still a great fucking song. Hope you enjoy SQ.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday....................

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Dedicated to the Sanduskys & Paternos

I hope every single person that has anything to do with your family, burns in hell.......................

The Death Penalty.........................

  I'm not talking about the usual Death Penalty. Let's talk about Joe Paterno.
  So, his statue was removed, yet his wife feels that it was unjust. REALLY? The report basically claims that Paterno turned a blind eye, while Sandusky raped boys. I will admit,that Paterno is not alive to defend his (GOOD ?) name. Anyone who has been following this blog for any extended period of time, knows the disdain I have for molesters. I should now extend that disdain to people that enable molesters.

 Sandusky's family is now arguing how inhumane it is that their Father and Husband is now spending the rest of his days in solitaire. First, go fuck yourselves. I hope your beloved Husband and Father accidentally gets sent to Gen Pop. I prey that he is raped, tortured, and brutally beaten. I only wish that you FuckTards could be there to personally witness it.

 Paterno's Family feels that the punishment is unjustified. "Joe had a legacy, a legacy that will never be torn down by a bulldozer." Really CUNT?

 I never had the opportunity to play Division I football. But I have had plenty of friends who have. I understand how the programs work. I've also been educated on how pieces of shit like Paterno will hide shit just to cover up a multi-million dollar a year enterprise.

 In Closing, Coach Paterno's legacy will always be overshadowed by what he allowed to happen under his very nose. I just hope Mrs. Paterno and her family are on their way to visit Big Joe's grave some day. On that drive, I hope your family end up in 1 vehicle. I also hope that 1 vehicle stalls a a train track.

  Go fuck yourself (ENABLING) Paternos. I hope to have the priviledge of pissing on your Husband's  grave someday.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


photo 7 of 16
It's O.K. I'm shy too.

Have a Happy and Humorous Humpday..................

This one is dedicated to a good friend, who just loves CRITICAL THINKING.........................


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Winner is ??????????????????? Drum Roll Please !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Beat-Off for the Month of July is................................................
For the first time in Beat-Off history, we have a Tri-Fecta of douchebaggery ..........

The Bronze goes to.......................Dan Cathy, CEO of Chic-Fil-A.
Mr. Cathy, I believe you have every right to your opinion. Even though I don't agree with you, the majority of the American citizens do. Even our President, or at least until he had his epiphany (Which I still think is bull shit). Your opinion is not what makes you a beat-off. The fact that you openly expressed it does. Now I'm all for you publicly standing behind your beliefs.  But you have franchisee's to think about. These people invest their own capitol, sweat, and tears into your business. Hopefully your comments do not have any negative long term effects on their business.

The Silver goes to.........................Joseph Moreno, Alderman of Chicago's 1st Ward.
Joe, you my friend are an egotistical piece of shit. You have some fucking nerve pal. This whole Chic-Fil-A scandal broke out two weeks after I finished working at the one in Crystal Lake. Worked there for 5 weeks, with some overtime, and made a real good amount of money. So you would prevent dozens of construction workers from going back to work until Chic-Fil-A has a policy declaring more open-mind views?
Luckily everyone, including yourself, realizes how big of Jerk-off you really are.
The truth is you have Gold written all over you, but there is one guy who is an even bigger Beat-Off.

The Gold goes to.......................... Rahm Emanuel. Rahmbo, I really wanted to exclude you this month, Because you are somehow starting to monopolize this competition. But, you win again.
Let me quote this supreme fucking Douchebag.
“Chick-fil-A’s values are not Chicago values. They’re not respectful of our residents, our neighbors and our family members. And if you’re gonna be part of the Chicago community, you should reflect Chicago values.”
Just read that, and let it soak in.........................................................................
Now remember in November who this Dickhead is good buddies with. Un Fucking Real.

I may have to retract the Bronze. After researching some sites, I have found that Chik-Fil-A sales up. Meaning? Cathy may very well be a smart businessman.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Morning Would......................

beautiful girl Beach blonde

Johnny O'Bloggin's Funny Ass Friday............

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the bar.
As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :
COLD BEER: $2.00




HAND JOB: $50.00
 Studying it carefully he reaches for his wallet. Checking to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the counter and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who has been watching him from the other end of the bar .
 She glides down the bar toward the old golfer.
 "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
 The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, pretty little lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "
 She looks into his eyes, moves in closer, places her hand on his leg and purrs: "Yes Sir , I surely am"
 The old golfer leans closer and says softly,
"Well, wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger."